Category Archives: Public Invitation

Announcing the RPG Calix Award Super-Pro Glory Chaser!

RPG-Cup

Because being a Poseur Charlatan is a full time Cult that deserves recognition.

RPG in conjunction with our Gold sponsor Topo Chico Mineral Water ™, are delighted to introduce the RPG Calix Award Super-Pro Glory Chaser reserved for the best wheelsuckers, copycat imitators, award-chasers and best of the best Poseur Charlatan Extraordinaires.

Who deserves this award more than anyone? Nominate your most respected Poseur Charlatan and you’ll be eligible to receive a Calix of your own (after $42.39 shipping and handling)

Randonneur-Poet Park(ing) Day this Friday the 20th

Randonneur-Poet Gazette will be parking the editorial keester outside fourbarrel on Valencia and participating in Park(ing) Day. Poetry will be recited, randonneuse will be polished by retro-bikini clad babes, and hot posset will be made ready and made hot.

Just look for the unwashed fellow sporting a beard, pendleton, and loud brownies. That’ll be us.

Cheers!

Percephone T. Crockaphone, Jock Hooey (+1), F. N. Lance, Nina, Brock, and Robert Pineapple

Keep Randonneuring Pure: Cheaters Hotline!

violators will receive this polite postcard in the mail

violators will receive this polite postcard in the mail

You say you spotted illicit Rando behaviour on the web or on the road? Did that huge rider you drafted for 4 hours have a blinky tailight instead of a steady? Fear that all of those medals of accomplishment will be diminished into cheap potmetal because of someone flaunting the letter of the rules?

Complaints to your RBA unanswered?

Here’s your saviour! Report such behaviour to the Cheaters Hotline. Simply text IMA-DOUCHE-BAG to #rusarules, and stand by for arbitrators ready to hear your complaints and offer support. It is of course necessary for accusers to make their name public. If you wish to offer tips on an offender that you are too cowardly to accuse personally, simply call 1-800-WHAAAT?. Please understand that the operators for this line are very busy and that you will probably have to wait a while.

Please also understand that it is expressly written in the RUSA rules that all riders must obey traffic laws as well as those stoopid RUSA rules during randonnees.

If you are an accuser that blows through stop signs, fails to yield to pedestrians, or blasts through a red light when turning right because you are on an important ride, has crap reflective gear that is worthless, or has been running a blinding blinky as your primary tail light for the last 5 years, or simply stink real bad during randonees (fragrant violation of local decorum), the operators will know via Google Meta Data gathered from street view images and the operators will simply call you out as the shameless hypocritical scum that you are.

Keep the Spirit of Randonneuring flying high! Text or Call now, but please pull to the side of the road before doing so! We don’t want a post card in the mail, do we?

LEL Beer Workshop Session

Once again Rupert Smedley our detail orientated reader and correspondent from the UK has come through with valuable information essential for intrepid US randonneurs and folks hoping to challenge themselves with successful completion of the hallowed London-Edinburgh-London Audax event. Says Smedley, the YACF website has announced important news:

Refreshment and UK drinking traditions workshop

In light of the various requests for refreshment stops throughout the duration of the event, I am volunteering to run a Beer Workshop Session at The Last Post, Loughton on the Saturday evening from around 7pm onwards. What better way for you to familiarise oneself with the fine ale of our land and become acquainted with them – and their drinking traditions – all in convivial surroundings ?

The LAST POST Free House

The LAST POST Free House

Also, as an extended session, this may be an ideal chance to trade in songs, drinking games and forfeits from across the globe that may have been banned in the country of origin for health and safety reasons.

I hope to see you there on the 27th.

H