Category Archives: Product Review

WeatherVane Supple Tyres make YOU a Happier, Healthier, Successful Person

Have you wondered why some sixty-year-olds look and feel like forty-year-olds and why some forty-year-olds look and feel like sixty-year-olds?

Typical WeatherVane Supple Tyre purchaser enjoying the benefits of Supple Tyres

While many factors contribute to aging and illness, Dr. Gram Pettifogg discovered a biological indicator called telomerase, the enzyme that replenishes telomeres, which protect our genetic heritage and is found in huge quantities in WeatherVane Supple Tyres! Dr. Pettifogg’s and Dr. Jayne Hiney’s research shows that the length and health of one’s telomeres are a biological underpinning of the long-hypothesized Tyre-mind-body connection that is incredibly enhanced by purchasing and possibly even using WeatherVane Supple Tyres.

They and other scientists have found that changes we can make to our daily purchasing habits can protect our telomeres and increase our health spans (the number of years we remain healthy, active, and disease-free).

Purchase WeatherVane Supple Tyres and secure your future, TODAY!

THE WeatherVane Supple Tyre/TELOMERE EFFECT reveals how Pettifogg and Hiney’s findings, together with research from intrepid cycling colleagues around the world, cumulatively show that sleep quality, exercise, aspects of diet, and even certain beneficial chemicals that profoundly affect our enjoyment of cycling are found in huge quantities in WeatherVane Supple Tyres!  

Don’t ride stiff slow tires that contribute to chronic stress, negative thoughts, strained relationships, and randonnee elapsed times that are above the 50% percentile in your club, save yourself from dispassionate mediocrity by purchasing WeatherVane Supple Tyres today!  

Drawing from this scientific body of knowledge, Dr. Pettifogg’s and Dr. Jayne Hiney’s research provides lists of foods and suggest amounts and types of exercise that are healthy, mind tricks you can use to protect yourself from stress, and information about how to protect your children against developing poor cycling habits, from pregnancy through adolescence. Dr. Pettifogg’s and Dr. Jayne Hiney’s research describe how we can improve our health spans at the community level, with neighborhoods characterized by trust, green spaces, and safe streets, all in one simple WeatherVane Supple Tyre Purchase!

THE WeatherVane Supple Tyre/TELOMERE EFFECT will make you reassess how you live your life on a day-to-day basis.

WeatherVane Supple Tyres are the first tyres with the gumption to explain how we age at a cellular level and how we can make simple tyre changes that will keep our chromosomes and cells healthy, allowing us to stay disease-free longer and live more vital and meaningful lives.

Purchase WeatherVane Supple Tyres and secure your future, TODAY!

Purchase WeatherVane Supple Tyres in our webstore, today!

Portable Grill for Cycles Road Test

As announced recently on Instagram here is our product review of a portable grill for cycles.

We have all been there – enjoying the wilds by the campfire and wishing we had some way to grill our sports energy bars and boil some water for our herbal tea. Well, we here at CRC don’t accept advertising so we can call em like we see em, and have tested the latest product and here is our unchangeable and irrevocable pronouncement on this device.

cute grill attached to a pink 29er is the subject of this review

cute grill attached to a pink 29er is the subject of this review

Packaging

There was no packaging available for review and comment, the grill came pre-installed on a tarted up pink 29er mountain bike.

Workmanship/Finish

The grill was not chromed. We only like chromed grills as powdercoating scuffs, smears, and peels when placed over a flame and makes our weenies smell and taste funny.

Fitment

The grill seemed to fit nicely although it was not perfectly level.

Luggage

No luggage was included with the grill, but it seems as though it might be suitable perch for a basket as well as a couple of bags; but we did not investigate this possibility.

Planing/tubing selection

The tubes were not thin wall. The grill did not plane. Roll down tests were inconclusive. Wind tunnel tests were not performed. It is important to note that there were no open brazing holes for gnomes to be inserted or to obtain oxygen and fresh air.

Geometry

The grill did not appear to be low trail.

Fenders/lighting

We did not notice fenders or lights on the grill.

Grilling

The grill was difficult to remove by firelight for use on the fire, and several small pieces of hardware were lost in the darkness. The grill burned our fingers painfully after we tried to move it while in use. The space between the tubes was much too large and our items to be grilled continually fell into the ashes. As we continued to struggle with the grill, we were shocked by a high pitched screaming which we thought were gnomes inside the grill trying to escape.

The grill was quickly removed from the fire (hence the burned fingers) although we were unable to determine if any gnomes were damaged. Later, we realized the screaming sound was actually our spicy vegan sausages sizzling.

We recommend the application of stickers that read ‘caution, hot while in use’ on the grill.

Conclusion

We simply cannot recommend this portable grill for grilling. Use as a grill does not even seem to have  been considered at all in the design, which is completely baffling to the road tester. Perhaps if you need a rack for carrying things on your tarted up pink 29er mountain bike, this grill is probably just fine, but we did not investigate this feature and cannot in good conscience endorse the use of a grill as a rack.

Disclosure: CRC does not accept advertising nor does it manufacture product – we call em like we see em.

Σοφία reflects on the men in her life

The gallery of men-

#1  Διοκλης

Father provided essential material needs to mother and me. He helped me obtain my first bicycle and for that reason I will be indebted to him forever. While we never lacked food or shelter father was often distant and didn’t express love easily. He lived by the strict moral code of the times. That’s just how it was in those days.

#2 Μπαμπούλας

The bogeyman—real or imagined?

#3 Ἀρίσταρχος of Samos

My sixth grade math teacher left me traumatized. I hated him. It was the beginning of the dark days of middle school. It took me many years to overcome my fear of mathematics but eventually I mastered the Pythagorean theorem and Euclidean Geometry. On the bright side, it was during this time that I first started taking solo exploratory bike rides in the countryside (despite protests from mother).

#4 Τρωΐλος of Elis

Uncle Τρωΐλος raced successfully on the road and on the track. After a failed attempt at making the Olympics he retired from racing to raise his family. Yet he remained a lifelong cyclist and was the only one to really encourage me to pursue my passion for cycling.

#5 Στέφανος of Aeolia

What can I say—I was young, naive and confused—and I was completely infatuated with Στέφανος. At first I was impressed by his apparent worldliness and creativity. It’s true I should have known better. Call me a fag hag, fruit fly, fairy godmother, queen bee, fruit loop, flame dame, fairy princess—whatever. On the plus side he was sensitive and compassionate and listened to me the way most men don’t. We had some fun times and I benefited from his provocative thoughts about the creative process. Secretly I resented that fact that he was a trust-funder; how could I respect him if he wouldn’t make something of his life? He wasn’t even a cyclist. Most of all I resented his hangups about his sexuality. Why couldn’t he just fully accept himself for being gay? After going unfulfilled for so long I finally moved on. But not before meeting one of his other fag hag friends. In a strange twist of fate she and I, two fag hags, consummated a passionate romantic affair in a world capital of fine art and architecture despite Στέφανος. Talk about a crazy love triangle—but that’s a story for another time.

#6 Νίκανδρος of Aeolia

Νίκανδρος was the father of Στέφανος. He was everything that Στέφανος would never be:  generous, charismatic, a brilliant artist, a polyglot, successful in business and a self-made man. Even at an advanced age he was still active, creative and enjoyed learning. He was widowed and happily remarried. I really admired him.

#7 Αρσενιος of Athens

Best sex ever! And just what I needed when the love triangle finally imploded. He was the embodiment of a Greek god. He was a bike messenger from Athens. His crazy good riding skills served him well during cyclocross season. Sure he took advantage of me when I was on the rebound. I never really understood what he saw in me but it was fun while it lasted.

#8 Περικλῆς of Thespiae

Περικλῆς knew about ancient bike history and lore; he built a few frames; and he possessed a respectable list of cycling palmarès. While I was attracted by all of this it was his wit and way with words that hooked me. Unfortunately after only a few dates I realized he was full of himself. I couldn’t tolerate his arrogance, self indulgence and narcissism. I dumped him and broke his heart. Poor guy, that’s why he looks so bummed.

#9  Ἀντίγονος of Thessaloniki

Wow, it’s been over 15 years now since we’ve been together. He’s the love of my life. He’s not the most successful, not the most athletic and not the most creative. So what if he’s just a utility cyclist—at least he rides. While Ἀντίγονος is not perfect he gives me what I need most of all, which is my freedom. He’s secure enough with himself to allow me my adventures. And he’s always there for me when I come back home. I love him for who he is and for loving me and accepting me as I am. Happy Valentine’s Day honey!

Love, Σοφία

Announcing the RPG Calix Award Super-Pro Glory Chaser!

RPG-Cup

Because being a Poseur Charlatan is a full time Cult that deserves recognition.

RPG in conjunction with our Gold sponsor Topo Chico Mineral Water ™, are delighted to introduce the RPG Calix Award Super-Pro Glory Chaser reserved for the best wheelsuckers, copycat imitators, award-chasers and best of the best Poseur Charlatan Extraordinaires.

Who deserves this award more than anyone? Nominate your most respected Poseur Charlatan and you’ll be eligible to receive a Calix of your own (after $42.39 shipping and handling)

How To: Riding a Tall Bike Randonneur

Perci on her beginner's 6 footer - sorry to not include her face, the bike was too tall

Perci on her beginner’s 6 footer – sorry to not include her face, the bike was too tall

Author: Percephone T. Crockaphone, road test editor; Peer reviewed by Robert Pineapple

Tall bike riding has been part of Cycling for a long time. For most of that time, tall bike riding was done for mostly utilitarian reasons such as work, travel, and warfare. Today, tall bike riding is predominantly used for randonneuring, and is an activity loved by many who love to keep the pastime present. Most anybody can ride a tall bike, and whether you like to ride tall bikes for fun or have a more competitive nature, there’s something for everybody. We at Randonneur-Poet Gazette will show you how to get started and help you learn the special terms that describe the intricacies of tall bike riding.

General Practices

Find a good Tall Bike riding establishment. If you’re a beginner, trying to figure it out yourself will be difficult, and potentially dangerous. A good tall bike riding establishment will have an experienced riding instructor, tall bikes appropriate for your height, and a good riding arena. When you’re choosing an establishment, take a lesson or two to evaluate the instructor and the tall bike you’ll be riding.

  • The riding instructor should be experienced and good at riding. She should be patient and good at teaching, and not pressure you to ride at a level you’re not comfortable with.
  • The tall bike should be calm, experienced, and at least eight feet tall. Until you have more experience, choosing a seasoned, well-mannered tall bike will be safer and more fun.

Prepare your Tall Bike for riding. Before you ride, polish your tall bike with the help of your instructor.

  • Tack your tall bike by putting the saddle on. Again, do this with the aid of an instructor at first, until you and the tall bike are comfortable with the procedure.
  • Clean the tall bike’s pedals (under guidance from your instructor). Be careful—tall bikes can and do kick, so you will not want to do this alone until you are experienced.

Mount your Tall Bike. Traditionally, you mount a tall bike from the left side.

Method One: English Riding

Find your balance riding. On your first lesson, your riding instructor will probably lead your Tall Bike or put him on a lunge line while you get used to the feeling of riding a tall bike. If you feel unbalanced, hold onto your tall bike’s frame until you feel balanced again.

  • If you move at a brisk pace, you’ll be able to feel a rocking motion as you ride. Your seat should naturally move with the motion. Your arms also need to move with the motion of your tall bike; though you should have light contact with your Tall Bike’s subconscious, keep your elbows light and move them with the Tall Bike.
  • When you ride, look straight forward and keep your back straight. About a third of your foot should be on the pedal, and keep your heels pointing down.

Use aids to control your tall bike. Aids can be ‘natural, such as your hands, seat, and legs, or artificial, such as a crop (whip) or petit fours.

  • To make your tall bike move forward, squeeze with your calves. tall bikes that do not move forward after a gentle squeeze may need your squeeze to have more energy in it. Some people will say lazy or stubborn tall bikes require kicks with your legs or the use of a crop.
  • To make your tall bike halt, sit deep in the saddle and apply pressure with the handlebars. You can also say “whoa”.
  • To turn your tall bike, pull the left or right chain out to the side and apply pressure with your outside leg.

Learn how to trot. Once you’re confident at the walk, squeeze tighter and start trotting. You can sit or post the trot.

  • When you sit the trot, sit deep in the saddle and keep contact with your legs. Be careful to keep your elbows relaxed, so you don’t jerk on your tall bike’s handlebars.
  • To post the trot, rise up in your pedals every other revolution. Point your heel down and keep contact with the tall bike’s subconscious.
  • When you post the trot, you’ll have to think about diagonals. Tall bikes trot moving their frames diagonally.

Learn how to canter. The canter is a rocking gait similar to a rocking tall bike, except faster. To canter, move your outside leg slightly back and squeeze the frame.

  • Don’t tense up—keep your upper body still and keep a steady contact with your tall bike’s subconscious.

Method Two: Western Tall Bike Riding

Ride, like a rhinestone cowboy. Western tall bike riding evolved from the practices of the Spanish Tall Bike Conquistadors in the New World, and was adopted by the cowboys of the American Tall Bike West.

Hold the handlebars in both hands. When you’re just learning, you may feel more comfortable using both hands on the handlebars. However, Western-trained tall bike are taught to move with your body cues, and will not need a lot of bar. If you are beginner,start with 2 hands.

  • When you turn, use your body, weight, and legs as in English-style riding. Push with your legs, and guide with your handlebars.

Walk your tall bike. Sit up tall in the saddle, put your legs forward, and allow your tall bike to to move forward. When you get comfortable walking the tall bike, move on to the next step.

Jog your tall bike. Jogging is similar to trotting, only slower and with longer strides. Rhythmically, it’s a two-beat movement that you will recognize from countless westerns as the sound you hear as the stage coach is pulling in.

  • Western tall bikes are often trained to recognize sounds as commands, and the traditional sound for jogging is a “tsk tsk” clicking of the tongue.

Have fun with your tall bike! Riding is an incredible sport, and you can do anything from polo to trail riding. Head on off into the sunset, and enjoy!

Tips

  • Accept that you’ll fall off at some point. If you do, just mount again – treat falling off as something that is unpleasant, but not a reason to be afraid of riding.
  • Be gentle with the bar tape; don’t yank. If your tall bike bolts, it is essential that you stay completely calm and you don’t start getting rough with your tall bike. If you have a choice, start circling your tall bike and gradually make the circles smaller. As they get smaller, your tall bike will have no choice but to slow down.

See How to Handle Yourself on a Runaway tall bike.

  • Do not run around tall bikes, it might spook the tall bike and that can be potentially dangerous.
  • If you trust the tall bike, it will trust you too and do what you command.
  • Ask your instructor what cues your tall bike responds to.
  • Remember to pick your tall bike’s pedals, if you forget, your tall bike could go lame. Also stay away from the frog (a soft spot in the center of the bottom of the pedals) because if you pick at this your tall bike might kick, or in a bad case become permanently lame.
  • Make sure to praise your tall bike at every opportunity.
  • Tall bikes can actually tell what mood you are in when you are riding. If you are nervous, the tall bike will sense it and become nervous as well. That is why you should always stay relaxed and calm in the worst situations.
  • Talk to your tall bike while going around him or coming up behind him so he knows you’re approaching.
  • Your helmet should be ASTM or SEI certified tall bike helmet. Equestrian helmets are not acceptable. If you fall off your tall bike or you’ve had your helmet for more than five years, replace it.
  • When riding always make sure you’ve got contact with your tall bike’s subconscious and that your chain is tight (but not pulling) and not floppy.
  • Tall bikes know what mood you’re in so try to stay relaxed and your Tall Bike will too.

Things You’ll Need

  • Appropriate riding clothes
  • A Riding Helmet
  • A Tall Bike
  • A grooming kit
  • If you’re an experienced rider you can ride without a net.

Related Articles

  • How to Steer a Tall Bike With Only Your Legs
  • How to Buy Your First Tall Bike if You Are a Nervous Rider
  • How to Ride a Tall Bike Backwards
  • How to Determine Correct Pedal Length
  • How to Mount a Tall Bike Using a second floor window
  • How to Put a Rug on an Unbroken Calm Tall Bike

Ultimate Rando Bag!!!

Just arrived! New for the upcoming 2014 brevet season…for the discerning randonneur poseur. Sologne type bags with “Pre-Aged” distressed finish.

Don’t show up at the bar or café looking like a clueless newbie. Strap this bag over your shoulder and look like the real deal!

Complete with"pre-Aged" distressed finish

Complete with”pre-Aged” distressed finish

RPG has applied their “Pre-Age” process to these premium bags
for a unique color, hand and countenance. The leather arrives softer and more supple—but not damaged. Your new bag starts in the ideal condition—a condition that others achieved only after muliple grande randonnée rides and diligent care!

The perfect finishing touch for very special randonneur poseurs! Limited quantities available.

Only USD $1250.00 plus S&H. Only from RPG. Order yours now!

RPG Fashion Function Investigative Report: Which Brown Shoes are the Safest?

Another inspirational and intrepid foray into the cutting edge of fashion and function to meet all of your Poseur-charlatan needs! RPG editorial board members have long since discarded the red pumps and the thick wool socks with crocks of last year’s tired fashion followers and have adopted the Randonneuring dream shoes of the moment, Loud Brown Shoes!

Join us as we discuss the latest and loudest with Max Strider, proprietrix of Shoe Candy in Los Gatos and Foot Fetish of Polk Gulch, SF!

Remember, RPG adheres to the credo of our fellow bikers the Harley HOG folks that ‘loud pipes save lives’ albeit we say ‘loud shoes save lives’. Follow our advice and save yourselves from fashion and posing faux pas this season!

We the editorial board of already know all of your habits because Google tells us. Your shoe habits in particular disturb us.

To review, here are some simple pointers:

bad shoes

bad shoes – too quiet – too dangerous

qualities of a good shoe with a fine quarter-sawn english oak heel

qualities of a good shoe with a fine quarter-sawn english oak heel

RPG: Max can you cut to the quick and just tell us which randonneuring dream shoes to buy?

Max: Why certainly! Here are four pair of shoes to add to your collection today!

Max Strider choice #1 dBa: 97 features: reflective in all weather, stylie all the time. cost: $399 US

Max Strider choice #1
dBa: 97
features: reflective in all weather, stylie all the time. optional lighting system available.
cost: $399 US

Max Strider choice #2 dBa: 89 Quieter but not submissive! cost: $259 US

Max Strider choice #2
dBa: 89
Quieter but not submissive!
cost: $259 US

Max Strider choice #3 dBa: 92 A fine choice for your readers with olive skin tone. cost: $420 US

Max Strider choice #3
dBa: 92
A fine choice for your readers with olive skin tone.
cost: $420 US

Max Strider choice #4 dBa: 91 A conservative choice for the traditional Poseur. cost: $299 US

Max Strider choice #4
dBa: 91
A conservative choice for the traditional Poseur.
cost: $299 US

RPG: Thanks Max! Any final comments?

Max: Sure sweety – any RPG readers who shop at either Shoe Candy or Foot Fetish and make a purchase of over $550 US will get a free pass to karaoke night at Divas, right down the street from my shop. Ta Ta!