Category Archives: glass houses

Older Cyclist riding WeatherVane Supple Tires mobbed by Beautiful Women in Bikinis

This could be you, on WeatherVane Supple Tires

CRC has received reports of cyclists riding WeatherVane Supple Tires that have been mobbed by luscious babes with practically nothing on while out for a bit of a spin on the cycle. Some believe that liberal applications of WeatherVane Supple Tire Sauce may be the cause of the increased interest that luscious babes with practically nothing on have shown in otherwise regular guys who like to ride bikes.

Local constabulary have been interviewed by CRC staffer Perci Crockaphone and while they find that mobs of luscious babes with practically nothing on running around in traffic to be a bit of an inconvenience, they do not anticipate any legal or policing action will be required on their part.

Remember folks, try a pair of Weathervane Supple Tires or Supple Tire Sauce today, and get ready to fend off mobs and mobs of luscious babes with practically nothing on. Better yet, try them both!

WeatherVane Supple Tires wishes to salute all women on international women’s day in their continued quest for respect and decency in this topsie turvy world.

Disclaimer: CRC has a controlling interest in WeatherVane Supple Tires, and WeatherVane Supple Tire Sauce.

So, you don’t care about those new knobby supple tires? Here are 10 reasons why you should

Those knobby supple tires are a newly designed 120tpi bicycle tire with a six-element, optically stabilized logo. As well as looking cool when sitting still it can lower your personal best up to 30 nano-seconds, and additionally those supple tires in the knobby ne-plus-soupple version offers a twin-tread bicycle tire providing 38mm and 44mm diameter experiences.

These knobby supple tires pictured are a newly designed 120tpi bicycle tire with a six-element, optically stabilized logo. As well as looking cool when sitting still it can lower your personal best by up to 4 seconds, and additionally those supple tires in the knobby ne-plus-soupple version offers a bicycle tire providing 38mm and 44mm diameter experiences.

Another week, another supple tire, the usual chorus of Internet commenters going to great lengths to tell the world how little they care. But we’d be foolish to ignore the world’s most popular type of bicycle tire – and so would you.

Here’s why.

1: 120tpi is good enough

Ok, most tires and high-end tubeless offerings have 600tpi but if we’re being honest, 120tpi is good enough for Facebook timeline pictures, 60tpi is good enough for an instagram, 17tpi is good enough for twitter or snapchat and truly, anything more than that is a bonus most of the time in the average cyclist’s experience. In short, the chances are that 120tpi is good enough for you and your social media needs.

2: It has tread

It was only a matter of time before the supple tire industry added a knobby option to its supple tire series, and the day has come. As such, those knobby supple tires are arguably more enthusiast-friendly than the majority of low-end treaded bicycle tires, and almost all tubeless bicycle tires.

Adding Tread to the supple tire gives riders a lot more creative freedom, and should allow them to mitigate – if not entirely overcome – some of the limitations of riding with a control-limited cycle in mud or gravel. Also, re-treading options are coming to older supple tires soon too, with the upcoming release of home tire re-treading kits.

3: Those knobby supple tires I bought last week off the interwebs for cheap has proper zoom. Kind of.

Those supple tires you just bought might work just fine, but will they impress anyone? Nope.

5: Those supple tires with the knobby tread option can do gravel. Kind of.

We’ve seen attempts to use non knobby ne-plus-soupple tires on gravel before, but they don’t tend to end well. Even when the non knobby ne-plus-soupple tires works just fine, it doesn’t hold up well to critical examination on Instagram or the 650b google group.

We won't be able to properly test those supple tires with the ne-plus-soupple's gravel riding option for a while, but early samples look very encouraging indeed.

We won’t be able to properly test those knobby supple tires with the ne-plus-soupple’s gravel riding option for a while, but early samples look very encouraging indeed.

6: It’s casing is stabilized

This is old news in the mainstream bicycle tire market, but casing stabilization still isn’t included in some fixed diameter bicycle tires. Casing stabilization will make those supple tires and tires with the knobby ne-plus-soupple option more useful in poor light, extending the potential of the tires to be used in social and environmental photography on social media.

7: They’re quick, and powerful, like your brain

Modern bicycle riding consumers incorporate an incredible amount of processing power, and compared to most bicycle tires they’re capable of churning through much more data. Those new knobby soupple tires with tread will make you look smart!

8: It saves you 4 seconds of your life, on every ride

Maybe you think you don’t care, but trust us – even if you’re not a pro randonneur or commuter, the ability to save four seconds of your life can be pretty handy.

9: It’s water-resistant

You can take those supple tires out in the rain, or drop them in the bath without worrying. How many riders can say the same thing about their 'proper' bicycle tires?

You can take those knobby supple tires out in the rain, or drop them in the bath without worrying. How many riders can say the same thing about their ‘proper’ bicycle tires?

Supposedly, the old supple tire we all were riding was almost water-sealed, but not quite. With the removal of the wire bead, those knobby supple tires and have been made fully water resistant, and are capable – apparently – of being submersed for up to 30 minutes without damage.

10: Good knobby supple bicycle tires lead to better ‘proper’ bicycle tires.

Even if you’re one of those people who has an almost religiously-held indifference to supple tires (and I know you exist because I get emails from you), consider this:

The greater the public’s expectations of the bicycle tires in their instagrams and blogs, the more they expect of ‘proper’ bicycle tires, if and when they buy one. There is certainly an argument to be made that the only reason we have things like beautiful low trail cycles, French cycling luggage, and just plain old joy in bicycle tires now is the supple tire.

That ten years ago, The supple tire industry kicked off an all-road/adventure/randonneuring revolution with the original supple tire which lead to the inclusion of these features in bicycle tires becoming an expectation on the part of your average joe on the street considering a bike for commuting or riding around the world.

Habitual low trail and gravel adventure riders won’t put up with laggy low-resolution tires on their commuters, or the omission of features like optically stabilized logos that they’re used to from their knobby supple tires. This drives bicycle tire manufacturers to add more features to their products, and we all benefit. Right?

10.5: It’s a supple bicycle tire.

This is an obvious point, but bear with me. Remember what I just wrote about this being the ‘world’s most popular bicycle tire?’ The supple tire industry has been phenomenally successful when it comes to putting its tires on people’s bikes. More people are riding supple tires now than ever before, and the supple tire, in its various versions, is the most popular bicycle riding device (or strictly speaking, series of devices) in the world.

What that means is that like it or not, when The supple tire industry does something, even if it didn’t do it first, (and several of the features I’ve listed here are not unique to those supple tires) it tends to have a certain significance. It’s safe to assume for instance that there are a lot of people talking about the words ‘Supple’ and ‘Planing’ today who had never heard the terms before the supple tire industry’s launch event this week.

Why when I was approaching the water cooler at the office the other day, I am almost certain I heard a co-worker use the term ‘knob’ and ‘supple’ before they quickly walked away.

Maybe I’m just a misty-eyed optimist, but I think that’s kind of cool.

Cheers, Rupert Smedeley Esq.

Portable Grill for Cycles Road Test

As announced recently on Instagram here is our product review of a portable grill for cycles.

We have all been there – enjoying the wilds by the campfire and wishing we had some way to grill our sports energy bars and boil some water for our herbal tea. Well, we here at CRC don’t accept advertising so we can call em like we see em, and have tested the latest product and here is our unchangeable and irrevocable pronouncement on this device.

cute grill attached to a pink 29er is the subject of this review

cute grill attached to a pink 29er is the subject of this review

Packaging

There was no packaging available for review and comment, the grill came pre-installed on a tarted up pink 29er mountain bike.

Workmanship/Finish

The grill was not chromed. We only like chromed grills as powdercoating scuffs, smears, and peels when placed over a flame and makes our weenies smell and taste funny.

Fitment

The grill seemed to fit nicely although it was not perfectly level.

Luggage

No luggage was included with the grill, but it seems as though it might be suitable perch for a basket as well as a couple of bags; but we did not investigate this possibility.

Planing/tubing selection

The tubes were not thin wall. The grill did not plane. Roll down tests were inconclusive. Wind tunnel tests were not performed. It is important to note that there were no open brazing holes for gnomes to be inserted or to obtain oxygen and fresh air.

Geometry

The grill did not appear to be low trail.

Fenders/lighting

We did not notice fenders or lights on the grill.

Grilling

The grill was difficult to remove by firelight for use on the fire, and several small pieces of hardware were lost in the darkness. The grill burned our fingers painfully after we tried to move it while in use. The space between the tubes was much too large and our items to be grilled continually fell into the ashes. As we continued to struggle with the grill, we were shocked by a high pitched screaming which we thought were gnomes inside the grill trying to escape.

The grill was quickly removed from the fire (hence the burned fingers) although we were unable to determine if any gnomes were damaged. Later, we realized the screaming sound was actually our spicy vegan sausages sizzling.

We recommend the application of stickers that read ‘caution, hot while in use’ on the grill.

Conclusion

We simply cannot recommend this portable grill for grilling. Use as a grill does not even seem to have  been considered at all in the design, which is completely baffling to the road tester. Perhaps if you need a rack for carrying things on your tarted up pink 29er mountain bike, this grill is probably just fine, but we did not investigate this feature and cannot in good conscience endorse the use of a grill as a rack.

Disclosure: CRC does not accept advertising nor does it manufacture product – we call em like we see em.

CRC patches (just like oscillating gnomes) really exist

Yes folks, intrepid randonneuring researchers have been working round the clock to develop the proper product placement and branding for your sole source for truth and beauty in randonneuring and commuting. Our crack team of people have come up with a spiffy patch that shouts that you really know what is going on the the randonneuring and commuting world and that you are a great person to strike up a conversation with or to ask for directions.

CRC patch depicting the 'Blooming Cyclist living in a Bubble' may or may not contain oscillating gnomes

CRC patch depicting the ‘Blooming Cyclist living in a Bubble’ may or may not contain oscillating gnomes

The Competitive Randonneuring and Commuting ‘Blooming Cyclist living in a Bubble’ is copyrighted, trademarked and patented by the people we stole it from, so hands off! No unauthorized use or sale of the ‘Blooming Cyclist living in a Bubble’ image may be engaged in without the express written approval of the people we stole it from.

Small quantities may be available at select SF Bay Area cycle shops sometime soon, but we are not really sure yet.

Stickers, banners and onesie’s are still in development stages, so stay tuned!

De-mystifying that earlier post on bicycle frame planing dynamics

Author: Clarissa Peatebogg

My partner Rupert, as usual, has botched things up royally in his attempt to adapt his drawing room polemics concerning his pet theory, bicycle flexural characteristics (planing), into a simple, easy to read and accepted description. Dear Rupee, please read this version of your fantastic theories and please adopt this variation so people might stop napping during your diatribes.

Love, Clarissa. ❤

Bicycle planing theory describes how pedalling dynamics propagate torque waves through frame components and spirited pedalling dynamics in a serendipitous interaction with each other. On pedalling dynamic scales larger than the planing theory scale, a planing bicycle looks just like an ordinary bicycle, with its frame, pedalling forces, and other properties determined by the vibrational state of the bicycle frame. In bicycle planing theory, one of the many vibrational states of the frame corresponds to the pedalling spirit, a form of hill repeats that carries incredible flexural force. Thus bicycle planing theory is a theory of spirited randonneuring.

Bicycle planing theory is a broad and varied subject that attempts to address a number of deep questions of fundamental physics, and acceptable randonneuring practices. Bicycle planing theory has been applied to a variety of problems in bicycle physics, early constructeur cycles tubing selections, frame tube heat treating techniques, and q-factor adjustment, and it has stimulated a number of major developments in the pure randonneuring movement. Because bicycle planing theory potentially provides a unified description of pedalling and bicycle frame physics, it is a candidate for a theory of everything, a self-contained randonneuring model that describes all fundamental forces and forms of marketable bicycle components, and is especially suited to marketing of supple tires, center pull brakes, and chrome plated bicycle frames. Despite much work on these problems, it is not known to what extent bicycle planing theory describes the real world or how much freedom the theory allows to the lay randonneur, randonneure, or every day cyclist to choose frame tubing, supple tires or pedalling cadence speed.

Bicycle planing theory was first studied in the late 2000’s as a theory of the strong pedalling force (aka, spirited riding), before being abandoned in favor of thin frame tubes and supple tire use. Subsequently, it was realized that the very properties that made bicycle planing theory unsuitable as a theory of bicycle frame flexural dynamics made it a promising candidate for proving the marketability of supple tires based on rolling resistance rather than acceleration dynamics – a form of ‘looky over there’ marketing of armchair science. The earliest version of bicycle planing theory, Barra’s bicycle flex recordation, incorporated only a single class of aluminum bicycle frames tested in a static environment sans pedalling forces. It later developed into bicycle planing, which posits a connection with spirited pedalling between hills and the accepted use of small diameter bicycle frame top tubes. Five consistent versions of bicycle planing theory were developed and tested in double blind hill repeat tests before it was conjectured in the mid-2010’s that there were different limiting factors of a single theory in eleven dimensions known as Super-Plane Theory. In late 2017, theorists discovered an important relationship called the expose theory which relates bicycle planing theory to another type of theory called the mini-velo theory. That basically, the rubes reading stuff in print will buy anything if you claim it to have mysterious properties, such as planing, suppleness, or modulation.

One of the challenges of bicycle planing theory is that the full theory does not yet have a satisfactory definition in all circumstances. Another issue is that the theory is thought to describe an enormous ‘big tent’ of possible bicycle frames, pedalling dynamics and sizes of supple tires, and this has complicated efforts to develop theories of flexural and planing physics based on simple bicycle planing theory and has also led to a glut of supple tires in the bicycle marketplace.

These issues have led some in the community to criticize these approaches to riding bicycles and question the value of continued research on bicycle planing theory unification because of increased commercialization and the mania for supple tires and mini-velos.

Competitive Randonneuring and Commuting asks: What makes you cry?

Author: Robert Pinapple

Not Robert Pineapple enjoying a good cry - image swiped from the interwebs without asking - cyber hugs all round, mates!

Not Robert Pineapple enjoying a good cry – image swiped from the interwebs without asking – cyber hugs all round, mates!

During our weekly boy’s night out soirée where we usually drag out such tired and timeless subjects such as our relationships with our spouses and parents, which charter school will give our little ones the best chance in this dangerous world, what coat to buy this fall,  which loud brownies are safest, and what colour will our next Prius be, we chanced upon the subject of what makes us cry.

We all know that unless a randonnee includes some high drama or some crying it will be forgotten on the bucket list of accomplishments we set out for ourselves at our annual year end retreat at a spa of our choosing.

A poignant tearful series of confessions, weeping, and hugs followed our sharing of what makes us cry – so fulfilling! Why we went through a veritable dozen hankies and bandanas. Such a releasing and soul cleansing experience we had we decided to share our intimacies with you, the Competitive Commuter and Randonneur.

Arnie Schwinng blurted out that he had never been so mortified than this year’s opening 200k when he forgot to properly apply his bag balm: ‘I had recently argued with my parents about my career choices and had been in such a tizzy all week before the randonnee that I simply forgot to slather on the balm in my nether regions. Such a screwup for the ages! I still have scars, and I think I had to drink an extra bottle or two of water I was crying so much. I cherish those moments.’

Gram Pettitfog mentioned crying because he spilt his beer once on a fleche, but no one noticed this minor confession and ignored his hopes for attention and absolution.

Rupert Smedeley inspired us all with the announcement that he cries constantly on randonnees simply for the joy of the moment – we all hope to become as emotionally confident as Rupert some day. Sniffle.

I related a brace of brief weepings on the roadside, the disastrous results of eating one of Jane Hiney’s Hot Pockets beyond the expiration date; being completely shattered by speed wobbles and ending a miserable inconsolable heap on the roadside; and the moment I will never forget, the time my new supple tires blew while descending baby diaper pass (the strained peas side, not the boiled carrots side, thank goodness). Aauuggh! The humiliation! The pathos! The wonderful memories!

What makes you cry during a Competitive Commute or Randonnee? Let us know!

Information Management for Randonneurs: An Interview with Trevor Martin Isinglas (TMI)

Tired of constantly sifting the wheat from the chaff within the Google Group? Finding it hard to encounter fine prose outside the confines of Randonneur-Poet Gazette and instead finding the putrid excrescences of the vapid populating the posts? We at Randonneur-Poet Gazette have enlisted the aid of an expert from the Telephony Management Institute (TMI) Trevor Martin Isinglas (TMI).

RPG: TMI from TMI, what to do?

TMI: Why I am glad you asked. Well, first I recommend that one only look to any single Google Group intermittently, say only on days that start with the letter ‘L’. The letter ‘L’ is easy to remember because it represents ‘list’. People who look at the list all of the time are akin to those teeny-boppers on the sidewalk that have their nose stuck in their dad’s borrowed smart phone. They aren’t texting their ennui, they are checking the number of views that their ‘me too’ post to the Group has received. Sad.

RPG: TMI, that is good advice and perhaps more than we wanted to know, but is there any sort of remedy for preventing ‘me too’ posts?

TMI: Well, no. But a quick search of a random Google Group resulted in this intriguing find (scroll up two posts) In short, the genius proposed the following:

In repayment to the respective randonneuring club for each post to a
randonneuring google group the poster should be required to volunteer
for an event. One post to the google group, work one event.

Data could be collected and tallied and posted to a ‘who has
volunteered’ web page on the club website prior to each randonnee,
along with an automatic email to each google group poster informing
them of the volunteer position they have volunteered for by posting.

I am sure we can get someone to volunteer to create the database and
the automatic ‘you have volunteered to volunteer’ email. The
assignments could be randomly assigned using an algorithm that
automatically determines the appropriate volunteer assignment based on
the post content, grammar, spelling, number of additional posts
generated by original post, and the use of emoticons.

The results of the volunteer assignments would be posted to the SFR
website in addition to the rider results. I am sure someone can
volunteer to create this ‘who has volunteered’ web page, the
assignment algorithm and tallying the volunteering results. Please
post your willingness to help your club help you.

I could write a few lines in Python and you’d be set. It will only cost RGP $50,000 US. What do you say?

RPG: Thank you TMI, we will bring it up at the next editorial board meeting.