Researchers have noted the first signs of obesity in a randonneuring club of the san francisco bay region — located in an autonomous district (the bubble) that sits on the coast of the Pacific Ocean in central California. According to local experts, obesity has not previously existed in these randonneuring clubs, but the first cases are now being reported and have been definitively linked to the clubs providing instant noodles at the end of randonnees. Randonneurs have long thought that they were getting chubby because of having a beer at the end of a ride.
But that appears to be false wisdom, as researchers note the increasing uptake of chemically processed foods, such as instant noodles and pasta, and the addition of sugar, pastry, and bread to randonnee finish control snack selections. According to researchers, these changes — which have only been occurring over the past few years — have seen the intake of carrot sticks and fig newtons cut by half.
A cup of noodles is a great thing, but really, one should only have one after a big ride, like a populaire or something, a RUSA spokesperson explained.
The safeway checkout person and security guard had no comment for CRC investigative reporters.
Stay tuned for further updates and allegations as we delve further into this distressing emergency.