Monthly Archives: January 2017

10,000 bottles of Supple Tire Special Sauce to be given away this Wednesday

It’s a big week for supple tire lovers.

To celebrate the release of two new versions to add to its iconic line of rebranded supple tires manufactured by Panaracer, boutique supple tire purveyor WeatherVane is giving away 10,000 bottles of its signature Supple tire Special Sauce this Wednesday.

Though many have claimed the creamy condiment is nothing more than latex tire dressing, WeatherVane insists its supple tire sauce is truly something special.

CONTROVERSIAL WEATHERVANE SUPPLE TIRE EMPORIUM OPENS IN VATICAN CITY

“The supple tire sauce is unique to WeatherVane and includes a classic combination of ingredients. The sauce remains timeless and customers around the world continue to enjoy its signature taste.” WeatherVane spokeswoman Janet Hines said in an emailed statement.

WeatherVane has never sold the sauce in the U.S. and the giveaway will be on a first-come-first serve basis at participating bike shops and coffee houses — which will be announced Wednesday.

Lines of eager supple tire fans are expected to line up around the block in locations to receive their bottle of supple tire special sauce, and others expect to pay premium prices on EBay.

To snag a free bottle, customers must say the code phrase “There’s a Supple tire for that.” WeatherVane also says it will be offering a special bottle number 10,001, to be auctioned off on Friday to benefit the RUSA search for a logo they are not embarrassed of.

WeatherVane introduced the notion of supple tire sauce in 2008 but it wasn’t until 2015 that the unique condiment got to be accepted by main stream cyclists and is now considered essential for all bicycle riding from commuting to world tours, from tricycles to tandems.

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The double-decker line of supple tires in all sizes hasn’t changed much in nearly 5 years but starting this week, WeatherVane began offering two different sized variations of the classic supple tire nationwide.

A larger version of the classic line of supple tires in all sizes called the “Grande Poof” features two larger casings—totaling a third of a pound of meaty tread—plus more bounce and more sauce all piled onto a sizeabley larger casing. The smaller version, “Le Petit Poof” is a 20”  tire for mini velos  with the usual supple tire toppings.

WeatherVane spokeswoman Janet Hines asked that people be civil while waiting in line and to not chew gum loudly or pick their nose while looking their phones. “The lines will be long and people will get bored, but please show some manners.” pleaded Hines.

Stay tuned to CRC twitter, facebook and friendster for the latest updates on this important occasion.

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RUSA Board quietly cancells logo contest

Earlier this month the RUSA board closed these search for a new look and a new logo for the venerable organization. The announcement was greeted with a mixed response outside a coffee shop frequented by RUSA members in Oakland CA.

meh

meh

CRC staff member Perci Crockaphone interviewed locals over a steaming mug of half-calf, almond milk, full fat with some sprinkles of that cinnamon stuff starting with coffee shop regular and P-12 specialist, Megan.

Perci: Megan, are you dissapointed to learn that RUSA cancelled the new logo contest?

Megan: Logo contest? I was not aware of a contest, I mean that RUSA logo is pretty simplistic, but par for the course for a volunteer run organization. I am not surprised they could not find a compelling alternative design at a low cost.

Next interviewed was a chubby old guy in hi-vis who wished to remain anonymous.

Perci: Howabout that RUSA logo contest being cancelled?

Chubby old guy in hi-vis: WTF? They couldn’t improve on that old logo? Jeeze – I bet they got a lot of really useful ideas and great tips, just like I send off to the RUSA Board in my daily email to em, and just decided to shelve them. The RUSA board can be so frustrating to active minded members such as myself. Why this reminds me of the time when I saw that UFO on the SFR 1000k on day three. I felt the incident and resulting hospital and therapy clearly called for an update to the rules, but my pleas were shouted down in committee. Damn disappointing.

RUSA officials have denied that there was a lack of attendance and participation in the logo contest, claiming that this contest was the ‘biggest ever to take place, ever’, blaming the liberal media for false claims, and suggested that we all follow them on twitter @THEREALRUSA were they can get the truth in all caps, 24 hrs a day.

RUSA Board mulls over framebag user registration

The RUSA board on Wednesday appeared to stand by plans to establish a registry for framebag users and temporarily ban framebag users from participating in RUSA events.

“A statistical analysis of RUSA complaint hotline messages and facebook and instagram posts have found that framebag users are more likely to make ‘helpful hints’ about finish venue snack selections, club logo designs, and complain about the RUSA website.”

Individuals similar to this one threaten to change RUSA forever!

Individuals similar to this one threaten to change RUSA forever! image swiped from the interwebs without asking

Speaking outside the luxurious RUSA headquarters in Florida, RUSA board members did not walk back the proposals after they were asked by a reporter whether they were rethinking or reevaluating them in the wake of a fresh new year of randonnees – some that include mixed terrain.

A year ago, in a statement, the RUSA board said they wanted a “total and complete shutdown of framebag users entering RUSA events until our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on.” The board further added “Framebag users, however, are encouraged to volunteer at RUSA events – we sorely need the help.”

The proposal was sharply criticized by saddlebag users and handlebar bag users alike.

But given an opportunity on Wednesday to clarify remarks, the RUSA board suggested that no clarifications were needed, but that we still need volunteers to run RUSA events.

The framebag issue is the source of anxiety for framebag users and advocates across the United States. Framebag user George Smith explains: “First everyone at the RUSA events won’t leave me alone always pestering me with questions about my framebag, and now they want to ban me! I just don’t understand.”

In response to other questions from reporters outside the luxurious RUSA headquarters, the board declined to comment, but urged followers to check twitter @therealRUSA.org for the truth in the matter, and links to volunteering opportunities.

UN investigating RUSA for human rights violations

The UN is to visit RUSA national headquarters to investigate whether RUSA’s recent reforms in randonnee format have caused “grave or systematic violations” of randonneur’s human rights, it has been reported.

A leading randonneur charity that wishes to remain anonymous says that they have been contacted by the UN Committee on the Rights of Persons with Randonneuring RTDs as part of an investigation into human rights abuses against randonneurs in the US.

RBA’s across the US have reported that the UN committee has advised them that they will be sending a Special Rapporteur to visit RUSA club annual populaires in the “near future” as part of their probe.

Director of Policy Percy Crockaphone told Competitive Randonneuring and Commuting: “The UN have notified us they will be visiting the US to investigate… and want to meet with us when they come, sometime in the next few months.”

The UN conducts such investigations “confidentially” and will not confirm or deny if they are currently investigating RUSA.

It is believed that the abuses were first brought to the attention of the UN while a UN staffer was traveling in the US was invited to a ‘Beerside Chat’ and overheard tales of experiences during long rides being shared by a boisterous group of older, intrepid, cyclists.

Descriptions of sleep deprivation, being forced by fellow randonneurs to listen to Britney Spears being played loudly on cell phone speakers while riding through the wilderness at the wee hours, body sores, sleeping in post offices, and the tipping point, digestion problems, are at the roots of the investigation.

The UN’s special investigator on recreational sports has previously urged RUSA to reduce the distance required for their randonnees after hearing “shocking” accounts of how it was affecting  intrepid randonneurs and their loved ones.

PMs and DMs sent to RUSA officials via instagram inquiring into the investigation have been unanswered.

Stay tuned to CRC on twitter, pinterest, linkedin, for further developments on this story, and please like our facebook page!