Rupert Smedeley attended the Unknown Meeting and witnessed several miracles being performed by a person or persons unknown who seemed to be worshiped by the other attendants of the Unknown Meeting. Several photos were taken documenting the miracles, but unfortunately Rupert neglected to remove his lens cap.
Despite the low quality of the photos, we still feel there is valuable information to be gleaned from the images and to be shared with randonneurs and commuters hungry for news concerning this historic occasion.
Figure 1: Leader of Unknown Meeting meets and cures the chafing sufferers.
The meeting started with the gathering of the randonneurs suffering from the chafing disease and a great Curing ensued. With a few words, spit and mudslinging from the leader, not only the chafing sufferers but also the blind, a few paralytics, and a fellow with dropsy were cured.
Figure 2: Leader of Unknown Meeting resurrects several punctured tubes and supple tires with torn sidewalls.
Soon after the great curing of discomforts, the raising of the dead tires and tubes ensued. Such a glorious sight to behold!
Figure 3: Leader of Unknown Meeting during the correcting of the fender lines.
A row of randonneuse’ with uncurable fenderlines were then straightened, and then the blessing of the leather washers was performed.
Figure 4: Leader of Unknown Meeting feeds the multitudes
Folks were getting hungry but all we had was a couple of doughnuts in a paper bag. Well, the leader had folks line up and the bag of doughnuts never ran out!
And then the leader stood upon a level place and began his sermon:
Figure 5: Leader of Unknown Meeting delivers his sermon on the mount
‘Worshipers, minions, and subscribers! I beseech thee to love your volunteers as you would love yourself; and as I would have you love yourself, if those same volunteers give you a hard time about your reflective gear, I say you should turn the other (butt) cheek and say, ‘fear this’.
Do not judge your neighbor’s fender lines too harshly, for your fender lines may be judged someday, and forgive those who cut in front of you in the line at the quicky mart controle, for they know not what they do.
Remove the gnat in your own eye before you remove the dust mote from your neighbor’s – that is, think twice before calling the RUSA Police about a fellow randonneur’s generous interpretation of the rules; the officers are only volunteers with limited resources, you know.
A good randonneur does not produce bad results in a randonnee, and a bad randonneur cannot produce good results; each randonneur is known by their stats posted on the RUSA website.
Why do you call me a randonneuring god when I am only a guy who likes to ride bikes, and yet do not do as I as I repeatedly tell you to do as outlined in my quarterly newsletter?
Now I say: whomever follows these words builds on the rock of cycling truth and beauty, and those who do not, build on the sand of poor fender lines, stiff tire sidewalls, and magnic lights.
Go forth, multiply, and grow the sport in the way I have taught you.’
With the end of the speech, a strange light came to glow near the head of the leader, creating a sort of a halo around his head. Rupert has since sold all of his cycles and back issues of Velo News, converted all of his pants to knickers, and has wandered off following the leader of the Unknown Meeting.
Stay tuned for updates sure to follow.