Still on the podium, Sagan elbowed me and congratulated me. ‘Good trick – I will use in future.’ I just shrugged my shoulders, ‘All in a day.’ I responded and turned to my adoring fans for some short lived celebration.
I leapt off the back of the podium to keep my disguise when I saw Vetrushka, Kristoff’s wife, approaching the platform. All cyclists in a team kit look alike, but I knew my body odor would not match Kristoff’s and Vetrushka would notice. I could have kept her back for a while by spraying champagne on her, but that would have messed up her makeup and hairdo and that is just too mean a thing to do.
As I stealthily made my way to the tent, I heard a squeak from Paulette and a heavy thud of flesh on flesh. ‘Not in public Peter!’ hissed Paulette. ‘Control yourself please, until later.’
This interaction cast serious doubt in my mind of the power of a randodecahedron stuffed plastic bike. Paulette obviously knows Sagan: did I really beat him or were my dreams all based on a false pretense, that a planing bicycle helps a rider to perform better?
Walking along I decided that all I needed to do was to perform a few more double blind tests, draw some definitive conclusions and rest on my laurels and royalties. Lucky for me, I had all the gnomes I needed to test and prove my theories in that carbon bike.
I entered the tent only to find the carbon bike had broken in half and all the gnomes released. In my anguish I searched the tent and found only a scribbled note on the back of a postcard featuring a hand drawn picture of a modern day randonneuse that was lying on Kristoff’s chest.
‘Mine! The gnomes are mine again and soon I will obtain the coveted Charly Miller status!’
Was all that was on the unsigned note.
Paulette slid the postcard from my numb fingers and read the message. ‘We must hurry if we are to intercept him before the he gets to the unknown meeting. If he gets there with all the gnomes we will never be able to enjoy cycling again. Pack your things now, we leave in five minutes.’
so continued my
dream quest of the unknown meeting.