Randonneur Infirmities and Diseases Series, Installment 47 – the heartbreak of Bunyans

Author: Sophie Crockaphoni

Are you finding yourself riding trails more often? Do you feel as though you need some wide tires, really wide tires? Perhaps you are suffering from Bunyans, a new ailment that is akin to other new ailments such as lactose and gluten intolerance and ADD.

Hardy Randonneurs and Randonneures (A randonneuse is a randonneuring bicycle, not a female randonneur – those who do not use French as a first language often make this embarrassing mistake – Merd!) are increasingly becoming victim of this new fad disease running amok among our herd with devastating and heartbreaking consequences. Be vigilant and be informed!

Gateway activities and symptoms.

Wearing of non cycling clothes for cycling:

These hapless individuals are a fertile breeding ground for bunyans

These hapless individuals are a fertile breeding ground for bunyans

Individual is unable to pause without looking at smart phone

Ok, Hunny - I am running late but I will text you when I get to the next stoplight - luv ya.

Ok, Hunny – I am running late but I will text you when I get to the next stoplight, right after I post these pics to FB – luv ya.

Individual is unable to attempt a bike ride without taking photos and blogging about it.

severely at risk cyclist for buyans

severely at risk cyclist for bunyans

How to identify (and avoid) individuals who are Bunyan sufferers.

Frame bags: Individual will employ a frame bag and give you dirty looks when you ask about it.

Please stop asking me about my frame bag!

Please stop asking me about my frame bag!

Fat tires: Despite the slow speed attainable, the rider will not slow for any obstacle, including snow, pristine beaches or tundra.

an heart breaking assemblage of bunyan sufferers

an heart breaking assemblage of bunyan sufferers

Crocks with Socks: Individuals also likely to be suffering from lug footed bugs.

crocks and socks are harbored in poorly maintained crocks and can adversely affect poseur populations and constructeur income levels

lug footed bugs are harbored in poorly maintained crocks and can adversely affect poseur populations and constructeur income levels

Be vigilant and be informed! Subscribe to Competitive Randonneuring and Commuting Twitter, google group (you can join our discussions here), and Tumblr!

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