RPG Fashion Function Investigative Report: Which Brown Shoes are the Safest?

Another inspirational and intrepid foray into the cutting edge of fashion and function to meet all of your Poseur-charlatan needs! RPG editorial board members have long since discarded the red pumps and the thick wool socks with crocks of last year’s tired fashion followers and have adopted the Randonneuring dream shoes of the moment, Loud Brown Shoes!

Join us as we discuss the latest and loudest with Max Strider, proprietrix of Shoe Candy in Los Gatos and Foot Fetish of Polk Gulch, SF!

Remember, RPG adheres to the credo of our fellow bikers the Harley HOG folks that ‘loud pipes save lives’ albeit we say ‘loud shoes save lives’. Follow our advice and save yourselves from fashion and posing faux pas this season!

We the editorial board of already know all of your habits because Google tells us. Your shoe habits in particular disturb us.

To review, here are some simple pointers:

bad shoes

bad shoes – too quiet – too dangerous

qualities of a good shoe with a fine quarter-sawn english oak heel

qualities of a good shoe with a fine quarter-sawn english oak heel

RPG: Max can you cut to the quick and just tell us which randonneuring dream shoes to buy?

Max: Why certainly! Here are four pair of shoes to add to your collection today!

Max Strider choice #1 dBa: 97 features: reflective in all weather, stylie all the time. cost: $399 US

Max Strider choice #1
dBa: 97
features: reflective in all weather, stylie all the time. optional lighting system available.
cost: $399 US

Max Strider choice #2 dBa: 89 Quieter but not submissive! cost: $259 US

Max Strider choice #2
dBa: 89
Quieter but not submissive!
cost: $259 US

Max Strider choice #3 dBa: 92 A fine choice for your readers with olive skin tone. cost: $420 US

Max Strider choice #3
dBa: 92
A fine choice for your readers with olive skin tone.
cost: $420 US

Max Strider choice #4 dBa: 91 A conservative choice for the traditional Poseur. cost: $299 US

Max Strider choice #4
dBa: 91
A conservative choice for the traditional Poseur.
cost: $299 US

RPG: Thanks Max! Any final comments?

Max: Sure sweety – any RPG readers who shop at either Shoe Candy or Foot Fetish and make a purchase of over $550 US will get a free pass to karaoke night at Divas, right down the street from my shop. Ta Ta!

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3 thoughts on “RPG Fashion Function Investigative Report: Which Brown Shoes are the Safest?

  1. F. N. Lance Armstrong

    I have taken a cue from my co-workers and wear birkenschtock sandals on the streets and carry my Loud Brownies in a cute little bag I got from Shoe Candy. It gets a little cumbersome carrying my man-bag, my gym bag, my lunch pail and my Loud Brownies; nobody cares about the things I go through to stay sexy and employed.

    Sigh.

    Reply
  2. Robert Pineapple

    Has anyone re-heeled a pair of brownies for increased loudness?

    My clippety clop is just not competing well for the attention of the cuties at the bistro and my neck is hurting from flipping my hair alla time to get some glances.

    Recommendations for cobblers, acupuncturists, and general glamour tips, please.

    Reply
  3. Derwent Coleridge

    Derwent Coleridge

    Ah! Loud Brownies! That brings back fond reminisces; I and my sibling Hartley running along the cobbles of Highgate, clippety-clippety rushing our dear PaPa’s dose of laudanum to ease his jitters.

    Good times.

    Aged Randonneur

    Therefore all randonnee’s shall be sweet to thee,
    whether the summer clothe the general earth
    with greenness, or the redbreast sit and sing
    betwixt tufts of tweed on the bare unwrapped bar
    of glossy Herse Cycle, while the nigh Brooks Pro
    smokes in the sun-thaw; whither the bag balm?
    Harken! Only in the trances of the last 34km,
    or if the secret ministry of ACP officials
    shall hang them up in silent secret controles,
    quietly shining from whence
    the quiet standlight illumins all.

    S.T.C.

    Reply

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