Looking on the Bright Side of Life: Association with Poseurs/charlatans reduces moustache maintenance and anxiety

ABSTRACT: The moustache maintenance model argues that any violation of expectations leads to an affective experience that motivates compensatory facial hair affirmation. We explore whether the neural mechanism that responds to moustache threats can be inhibited by correct association with Poseurs/charlatans, in the same way that it inhibits physical pain, or the distress caused by social rejection of facial hair.


warm and cozy feelings wash over you when you associate with us!

warm and cozy feelings wash over you when you associate with us!

Across two studies, participants received either a Poseur, a charlatan, or a placebo, and were provided with either an unsettling facial hair experience or a control facial hair experience. In Study 1, participants either wrote about their moustache or a control topic. In Study 2, participants either watched a surrealist moustache film clip or a control moustache film clip. In both studies, participants in the moustache threat condition who had taken a placebo in association with a Poseur or charlatan showed typical compensatory affirmations by becoming more punitive towards facial hair fashion law-breakers, while those who had taken on the Poseur or charlatan lifestyle, and those in the control conditions, did not.


4 thoughts on “Looking on the Bright Side of Life: Association with Poseurs/charlatans reduces moustache maintenance and anxiety

  1. Glen in Galveston

    Although your results, if true, offer an intriguing causal explanation for the social aggregation phenomenon observed in certain ecological niches, most notably by those investigators embedded in extant colonies at 37.75986 -122.41480 and 40.6738889 -74.0016667, I am worried that your work is challenged by two fundamental issues:

    1) It appears that neither the Poseur, charlatan, nor moustache were blinded. This lack of representation of the blind means that for all intents and purposes, any extrapolation or inference of your results is limited to only the sighted. Perhaps only to the far-sighted, I might add.

    2) Maybe even more troubling is the fact that your study did not control for taxonomically-biased effects correlated with moustache morphologies. For example, it is well known via repeated wind tunnel testing that the French fork and the handlebar have decidedly different impacts on brevet times vis-a-vis the muttonchop, Old Dutch, or worse yet, Hulihee (though some may argue that the latter group represents an early diverging clade and are not, strictly speaking, direct descendants of the ancestral moustache).

    It is well known that moustaches are complex systems with mutivariate inputs and outputs. Although its basic form has been well established since the 1970s, its physics are still poorly understood. Without controlling for the effects outlined, I am afraid that your study has cast us beyond facial hair fashion “law-breaking” to, I’m afraid, the brink of its anarchy.

    Glen in Galveston

    1. Percephone Tee Crockaphone

      Dude – We posted an abstract, not all of our pain in the ass hard-won research. You gotta go behind the pay wall to get to the juicy research findings that will answer all your questions on Mouschieos and Mustachioe Anxiety. Cheesh.

      Pay up or stay ignorant.

      Peed off Percie in Potsdamn

  2. quarterlybicycle Post author

    The standard response to this question is turbulence. The behaviour of three-dimensional Navier-Stokes equations applied to fine scale mustache hair is much more nonlinear than at coarse scale mustache hair.

    At present, all known methods for obtaining global smooth solutions to a nonlinear Cauchy problem require either 1) a descriptively adequate solution to the breakdown of Navier-Stokes equations or 2) empirically determining the levels of turbulence and vorticity in a conjugate variable process.

    I suggested that these results would follow from the assumption that an important property of these three types of EC is rather different from the requirement that branching is not tolerated within the dominance scope of a complex nonlinear differential equation. Nevertheless, the natural general principle that will subsume this case is not quite equivalent to irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional application of the Cauchy momentum equation.

    Notice, incidentally, that relational information delimits the traditional practice of the blind. With this clarification, an important property of these three types of EC does not readily tolerate a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories. However, this assumption is not correct, since the systematic use of non-relativistic momentum transport cannot be arbitrary in problems of multivariate and quasistatic process analysis of vortices. This suggests that the earlier discussion of deviance does not affect the model.  Of course, most of the methodological work in modern mustache aerodynamics can be defined in such a way as to impose irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules.

    I remain, dear sir, yours always sincerely

  3. Madame Delait

    I have noticed that most Poseurs that hit on me are very near sighted, rather than far sighted.

    I have had more than one ‘experience’ with blind fellows, all have been most edifying!


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