Encounter with the man in the blue sweater

I heard him before I saw him. It was one of those idyllic northwest days, the morning clouds and dew illumined by bright clear sunlight transforming the moisture to glistening jewels amid vibrant green foliage. Charged with the frisson of the moment I was soon wincing in pain from the sound of what at first I believed to be children on a swingset where the seats are hung with rusty chains, for the sound was a recurring ‘reet, reet, reet’ in a cyclical fashion.

Rounding the bend on NW 123rd I discovered the source of the sound. It was an older gentleman wearing a blue sweater and grey capri pants following two younger fellows on cycles. It seemed the older fellow was trying to take their picture.

‘Show more enthusiasm!’ the fellow in blue shouted in a teutonic accent. The taller of the two youngsters shouted back: ‘Can’t we stop and eat something! I am gonna collapse here in a second unless I chew on something. We can just lay our bikes in the road for the photo shoot. That always works for me on Instagram!’ The other youngster with long black hair and a beard sort of cringed and kept pedaling.

youngsters – image swiped from the web without asking

As I pulled alongside the fellow in blue, I offered him some chain lube that I always carry in this damp northwest clime. ‘Chain lube! He retorted. Everyone knows a five speed cycle needs no chain lube – the chain line is so perfect no lube is necessary. Now please excuse me I am working. I will give you my autograph later.’

I thanked the fellow in blue for his offer of an autograph, but declined. He then went on to state that how could I ride a steel bike with fenders and not know him, and love him, he who single handedly revived randonneuring in the U.S. I asked him who he might be, SIR, since I have never seen him at any of the randonneuring events at my club, the local regional northwest randonneuring club. He gave me a look of disgust and directed his two youngsters to turn around and come back again for a re-shoot of the moment I had ruined for him.

Shrugging off this strange encounter I continued on to the coffee shop, parked my bike and went in for a northwest standard half-caff double shot full fat soy milk extravaganza with a heart on top and some artisanal cookies so I could update my daily journal.

Journal updated, it was time to leave and pulling on my flannel shirt I went back to my bike to find the lock had been cut and my bike had been propped up on the side of the building. The fellow in blue was taking pictures of the youngster’s bikes in the bike rack with the two youngsters standing behind him looking at their phones. WTF! I asked the fellow, and he just brushed me off with ‘This is an important photo shoot, please step aside. Here’s a couple extra poufy tires and a light mount to reimburse you for the lock.’

where’s my bike?!? – image swiped from the web without asking

I accepted the tires and the strangely twisted piece of sheet metal with resignation, as I knew the police, if I were to call them, would only want to know what was it I did to make the fellow in blue cut my lock.

Such was my encounter with the man in blue.

11 Super Cycling Benefits in Just One Supple Tire

A Low trail cycle walks away with most cycling accolades, and 7-4-7 standard diameter tubes filled with gnomes lead the cycling brigade. Compared to them, the supple tire is somewhat unsung, (SAD!) but once you learn its incredible–and nearly endless–list of cycling benefits, you will quickly join the growing list of supple tire lovers.

A little known fact (SAD!) is that supple tires are also an excellent addition to any rider’s diet .

A supple tire is a great choice if you are watching your weight. One large tire contains only 10 calories! So, add supple tires to your shopping list and enjoy!

Supple tires reduce inflammation. If you are suffering from joint pains, lung infections, asthma, or acne, riding more supple tires will bring much-needed relief.

Supple tires help you calm down: Supple tire for stress-relief? Oh yes! The minerals in supple tires, especially magnesium, and the essential oil in it, soothe the nervous system. If you enjoy a supple tire-based ramble around the neighborhood in the evening, you may sleep better.

Supple tires aids digestion: some say a supple tire tastes like “crunchy water,” and this may be part of the reason it is so good for your digestive system. The high water content of a supple tire, combined with the insoluble fiber in it, makes it a great tool for easy passage of stool. Note: because supple tire has diuretic and cleansing properties, those with diarrhea should avoid eating it during randonnees.

Supple tires contain “good” salts. Yes, supple tires do contain sodium, but it is not the same thing as table salt. The salt in a supple tire is organic, natural and essential for your cycling.

Supple tires care for your eyes. One large serving of supple tire delivers 5 percent of your daily need for Vitamin A, a group of nutrients that protects the eyes and prevents age-related degeneration of vision which is most helpful in reading the fine print in that info control question.

Supple tire reduces “bad” cholesterol: There is a component in supple tire called butylphthalide, which gives the supple tire its flavor and scent. But that’s not all it does — the compound also reduces bad cholesterol. A Chicago University study profiled by the New York Times (then it has to be true!) shows that the butylphthalide found in just four servings of supple tire a day can reduce bad cholesterol (LDL) by up to 7 percent!

Supple tires lower blood pressure: An active compound called phthalides in supple tires has been proven to boost circulatory cycling. Raw, whole supple tires reduces high blood pressure and that is the truth.

Supple tires can amp up your sex life: According to Dr. Jan R. Hirsch, Director of the Schmere and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation, two pheromones in supple tires–androstenone and androstenol–boost your arousal levels. They are released when you caress a supple tire – so grab that tire by the casing and enjoy!

Supple tires can combat cancer: Two studies at the University of Illinois show that a powerful flavonoid in supple tire, called luteolin, inhibits the growth of cancer cells, especially in the pancreas. Another study suggests that the regular intake of supple tire could significantly delay the formation of breast cancer cells.

Useful Tips:

Choose a supple tire with upright treads that ‘twang’ when bent. The tread should be fresh and crisp.  When selecting a supple tire, remember this rule of thumb: The darker the color, the stronger the planing effect.

Freshly cleaned supple tires retains its nutrients much better than if you clean and store it even for a few hours in a freezer.

Steamed supple tires not only retains its flavor, but also most of its nutrients–up to 99 percent of them, in fact! Start steaming your tires today, with our handy CRC tire steamer.

Related:

Jazz up your Egg Salad with Fresh Dill & Supple tire

7 Cycling Snacks for Couch Potatoes

5 of the Best Ways to Make Supple Tires Coast Better

Natural ways to increase your supple tire size at home

If you’re one of the millions of cyclists out there who want to learn how to increase supple tire size naturally then you’re going to really enjoy what you learn today.

this before and after shot is pretty impressive, isn't it? VaavaaVOOM!

this before and after shot is pretty impressive, isn’t it? VaavaaVOOM!

First off….

Don’t wait for your supple tires to be bigger in order for you to feel good about yourself and be happy. You can be happy and feel good about yourself right now!

This is so important because if you don’t work on feeling good no matter what you try to do to increase your supple tire size (especially natural supple tire enlargement methods) you’ll give up when your mood begins to drop again.

You’ll think to yourself “what’s the point” and just stop everything when you really should be sticking to it.

There is nothing wrong with having small supple tires. But if you find them too small for your cycling needs then forget what anyone else tries to tell you and do what you feel is best for you.

Why Are Your Supple Tires Small?

There are a few main reasons why your supple tires aren’t as big as you would like them. One of these reasons is because your tire might be suffering from some kind of genetic disorder.

Another possible reason some tires have underdeveloped supple tires is due to some kind of hormonal complication during ‘puberty’ – ‘puberty’ is supple tire industry speak for the curing time required after a supple tire is removed from the mold. If your supple tire is suffering from a hormonal problem it’s best to seek the advice of a pneumocological endocrinologist, who specializes in hormonal problems of supple tires.

Supple Tire Sauce

Supple Tire Sauce is the quickest way to plump up and perk up your sagging little supple tires. Ask your bike shop about Supple Tire Sauce today! Supple Tire Sauce can be used both internally and externally to make your tires enlarge. Well used tires gain the most from vigorous massage.

Increase the tire pressure

Sure, the current wisdom is to lower your pressure to gain a little speed, but that does nothing for the size of your tire. While we at CRC don’t recommend it, surpassing the maximum recommended pressure on your tire sidewall will get the maximum benefit – be careful out there and wear earplugs.

Use a padded or push-up inner tube.

A good padded inner tube can add noticeable volume to your supple tire while also making your supple tires look perkier. Push-up innertubes, on the other hand, can add lots of “lift” to your supple tires, giving the appearance of a larger, fuller supple tire. Using these types of innertubes is a great quick-fix for the supple tire fancier on a budget.

Though some sources may recommend it, in general, it’s a bad idea to install multiple innertubes, regardless of the type of innertubes being used. Though this can make your supple tires look a little bigger if it’s applied to correctly, it can be awfully uncomfortable and will probably have you spending lots of time adjusting yourself throughout the day.

Consider supple tire-enlarging herbs.

A wide selection of herbs and plant supplements purported to cause supple tire growth are available for sale both online and at natural healing stores. Though some cyclists swear by these natural medicines, none have been scientifically proven to be as effective as traditional “Western” cures and should be regarded with a healthy degree of skepticism. Additionally, certain naturopathic herbs can cause potentially serious complications in supple tires who are taking certain medications (especially tread thinners), so you’ll always want to talk to a professional mechanic before beginning a course of herbal supplements. Some herbs that allegedly encourage supple tire growth are:

  •     Saw palmetto
  •     Fennel
  •     Kava
  •     Wild yam
  •     Chaste tree berry
  •     Black cohosh
  •     Fenugreek
  •     Pueraria Mirifica

So remember folks, supple tire enlargement does not have to require surgery or silicon implants for you to enjoy some hard earned confidence and admiring glances. Get your supple tires plumped naturally and safely and get ready to fend off all the unwanted advances!

10,000 bottles of Supple Tire Special Sauce to be given away this Wednesday

It’s a big week for supple tire lovers.

To celebrate the release of two new versions to add to its iconic line of rebranded supple tires manufactured by Panaracer, boutique supple tire purveyor WeatherVane is giving away 10,000 bottles of its signature Supple tire Special Sauce this Wednesday.

Though many have claimed the creamy condiment is nothing more than latex tire dressing, WeatherVane insists its supple tire sauce is truly something special.

CONTROVERSIAL WEATHERVANE SUPPLE TIRE EMPORIUM OPENS IN VATICAN CITY

“The supple tire sauce is unique to WeatherVane and includes a classic combination of ingredients. The sauce remains timeless and customers around the world continue to enjoy its signature taste.” WeatherVane spokeswoman Janet Hines said in an emailed statement.

WeatherVane has never sold the sauce in the U.S. and the giveaway will be on a first-come-first serve basis at participating bike shops and coffee houses — which will be announced Wednesday.

Lines of eager supple tire fans are expected to line up around the block in locations to receive their bottle of supple tire special sauce, and others expect to pay premium prices on EBay.

To snag a free bottle, customers must say the code phrase “There’s a Supple tire for that.” WeatherVane also says it will be offering a special bottle number 10,001, to be auctioned off on Friday to benefit the RUSA search for a logo they are not embarrassed of.

WeatherVane introduced the notion of supple tire sauce in 2008 but it wasn’t until 2015 that the unique condiment got to be accepted by main stream cyclists and is now considered essential for all bicycle riding from commuting to world tours, from tricycles to tandems.

FOR THE LATEST SUPPLE TIRE FEATURES FOLLOW CRC LIFESTYLE ON FACEBOOK

The double-decker line of supple tires in all sizes hasn’t changed much in nearly 5 years but starting this week, WeatherVane began offering two different sized variations of the classic supple tire nationwide.

A larger version of the classic line of supple tires in all sizes called the “Grande Poof” features two larger casings—totaling a third of a pound of meaty tread—plus more bounce and more sauce all piled onto a sizeabley larger casing. The smaller version, “Le Petit Poof” is a 20”  tire for mini velos  with the usual supple tire toppings.

WeatherVane spokeswoman Janet Hines asked that people be civil while waiting in line and to not chew gum loudly or pick their nose while looking their phones. “The lines will be long and people will get bored, but please show some manners.” pleaded Hines.

Stay tuned to CRC twitter, facebook and friendster for the latest updates on this important occasion.

RUSA Board quietly cancells logo contest

Earlier this month the RUSA board closed these search for a new look and a new logo for the venerable organization. The announcement was greeted with a mixed response outside a coffee shop frequented by RUSA members in Oakland CA.

meh

meh

CRC staff member Perci Crockaphone interviewed locals over a steaming mug of half-calf, almond milk, full fat with some sprinkles of that cinnamon stuff starting with coffee shop regular and P-12 specialist, Megan.

Perci: Megan, are you dissapointed to learn that RUSA cancelled the new logo contest?

Megan: Logo contest? I was not aware of a contest, I mean that RUSA logo is pretty simplistic, but par for the course for a volunteer run organization. I am not surprised they could not find a compelling alternative design at a low cost.

Next interviewed was a chubby old guy in hi-vis who wished to remain anonymous.

Perci: Howabout that RUSA logo contest being cancelled?

Chubby old guy in hi-vis: WTF? They couldn’t improve on that old logo? Jeeze – I bet they got a lot of really useful ideas and great tips, just like I send off to the RUSA Board in my daily email to em, and just decided to shelve them. The RUSA board can be so frustrating to active minded members such as myself. Why this reminds me of the time when I saw that UFO on the SFR 1000k on day three. I felt the incident and resulting hospital and therapy clearly called for an update to the rules, but my pleas were shouted down in committee. Damn disappointing.

RUSA officials have denied that there was a lack of attendance and participation in the logo contest, claiming that this contest was the ‘biggest ever to take place, ever’, blaming the liberal media for false claims, and suggested that we all follow them on twitter @THEREALRUSA were they can get the truth in all caps, 24 hrs a day.

RUSA Board mulls over framebag user registration

The RUSA board on Wednesday appeared to stand by plans to establish a registry for framebag users and temporarily ban framebag users from participating in RUSA events.

“A statistical analysis of RUSA complaint hotline messages and facebook and instagram posts have found that framebag users are more likely to make ‘helpful hints’ about finish venue snack selections, club logo designs, and complain about the RUSA website.”

Individuals similar to this one threaten to change RUSA forever!

Individuals similar to this one threaten to change RUSA forever! image swiped from the interwebs without asking

Speaking outside the luxurious RUSA headquarters in Florida, RUSA board members did not walk back the proposals after they were asked by a reporter whether they were rethinking or reevaluating them in the wake of a fresh new year of randonnees – some that include mixed terrain.

A year ago, in a statement, the RUSA board said they wanted a “total and complete shutdown of framebag users entering RUSA events until our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on.” The board further added “Framebag users, however, are encouraged to volunteer at RUSA events – we sorely need the help.”

The proposal was sharply criticized by saddlebag users and handlebar bag users alike.

But given an opportunity on Wednesday to clarify remarks, the RUSA board suggested that no clarifications were needed, but that we still need volunteers to run RUSA events.

The framebag issue is the source of anxiety for framebag users and advocates across the United States. Framebag user George Smith explains: “First everyone at the RUSA events won’t leave me alone always pestering me with questions about my framebag, and now they want to ban me! I just don’t understand.”

In response to other questions from reporters outside the luxurious RUSA headquarters, the board declined to comment, but urged followers to check twitter @therealRUSA.org for the truth in the matter, and links to volunteering opportunities.

UN investigating RUSA for human rights violations

The UN is to visit RUSA national headquarters to investigate whether RUSA’s recent reforms in randonnee format have caused “grave or systematic violations” of randonneur’s human rights, it has been reported.

A leading randonneur charity that wishes to remain anonymous says that they have been contacted by the UN Committee on the Rights of Persons with Randonneuring RTDs as part of an investigation into human rights abuses against randonneurs in the US.

RBA’s across the US have reported that the UN committee has advised them that they will be sending a Special Rapporteur to visit RUSA club annual populaires in the “near future” as part of their probe.

Director of Policy Percy Crockaphone told Competitive Randonneuring and Commuting: “The UN have notified us they will be visiting the US to investigate… and want to meet with us when they come, sometime in the next few months.”

The UN conducts such investigations “confidentially” and will not confirm or deny if they are currently investigating RUSA.

It is believed that the abuses were first brought to the attention of the UN while a UN staffer was traveling in the US was invited to a ‘Beerside Chat’ and overheard tales of experiences during long rides being shared by a boisterous group of older, intrepid, cyclists.

Descriptions of sleep deprivation, being forced by fellow randonneurs to listen to Britney Spears being played loudly on cell phone speakers while riding through the wilderness at the wee hours, body sores, sleeping in post offices, and the tipping point, digestion problems, are at the roots of the investigation.

The UN’s special investigator on recreational sports has previously urged RUSA to reduce the distance required for their randonnees after hearing “shocking” accounts of how it was affecting  intrepid randonneurs and their loved ones.

PMs and DMs sent to RUSA officials via instagram inquiring into the investigation have been unanswered.

Stay tuned to CRC on twitter, pinterest, linkedin, for further developments on this story, and please like our facebook page!